Even the Son of God had to learn obedience by the things that He suffered. But in the abyss there is only blackness, no glimmer of light, no answering echo… It was a long time before I came to the realization that it is in our acceptance of what is given that God gives Himself. If God were God, if He were omnipotent, if He had cared, would this have happened? Is this that I face now the ratification of my calling, the reward of obedience? One turns in disbelief again from the circumstances and looks into the abyss. Vaughn quotes Elisabeth: “Faith’s most severe tests come not when we see nothing, but when we see a stunning array of evidence that seems to prove our faith vain. Her novel was far more insightful than I gave it credit for. We don’t often get happy endings my job is simply to obey. Vaughn writes, “By the end of her time in Ecuador, Betty had puzzled over what the word missionary even meant.” And I realized that I should have paid more attention to the lesson Elisabeth was trying to teach me in her story of Margaret and Pedro: God is God I am not. And conflict with a colleague eventually took her off the mission field entirely.Īs I read this biography, my memory plucked No Graven Image out of a dusty corner of my mind. She struggled with resentment and selfishness when she shared her home with another missionary family. Yes, she followed Him into the jungle (with her toddler!) to live with the tribe who murdered her husband, but she also cried herself to sleep from grief.

Vaughn filled in my manufactured picture of Elisabeth’s life: not just a hero, a fearless missionary, a martyr’s wife, but a woman who wrestled deeply with obeying God.

Recently I read the biography written by Ellen Vaughn, Becoming Elis abeth Elliot. God, we obeyed you when we came here why are you not fixing this? Changing this? Why did you let this happen? Why did I come here? Am I doing any good? Is this really what God wants me to do? At times I paced the room, raging against injustice or abuse perpetrated by people of God, accusing myself of not doing more to stop it. Many times, the world swung crazily around me, shifting perceptions of God and myself. Students we poured into for years, only to have them lose their faith on a full-ride scholarship to Harvard. Families who left the country because of irreconcilable conflict with teammates. The American missionary with six kids who had an affair with a local woman. The local pastor who abused his adult daughter. Yes, I saw many victories, but an equal number of tragedies. My brain didn’t have a category to fit it into, and I consciously made a decision to forget about it.Īnd then, 20 years of missionary life happened. It didn’t match my perception of Elisabeth, missions, or God. That story had a happy ending….right? So why write a novel about missionary failure, where the ending is actually worse than the beginning? God wouldn’t let that happen in real life….right? And his death inspired a whole generation of new missionaries. Sure, Elisabeth’s own husband had died on the mission field - I knew bad things could happen - but he was a martyr, a hero. Why on earth would Elisabeth write such a thing? It felt depressing and cynical and almost anti-missionary. I don’t remember much about the story except for how it ends: Pedro dies - and it’s Margaret’s fault.Īs a 24-year-old idealistic Elisabeth Elliot fan, this was incomprehensible to me. An Indian family befriends her and the father, Pedro, becomes her closest ally in her translation work. It’s the fictional story of a young missionary - Margaret - in South America, working to translate the Bible for a remote tribe. Her emphasis on steadfast obedience, no matter the cost, inspired me to do hard things for God.īut her novel absolutely mystified me. Her books about her first husband’s life and martyrdom significantly influenced my decision to become a missionary. I immediately regretted it.Įlisabeth Elliot was my hero. During my first year on the mission field - twenty years ago now - I read Elisabeth Elliot’s only novel, No Graven Image.

No graven image elisabeth elliot